your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
