Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
