so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
