Porn is love you can see.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
