Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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