I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
