I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
