Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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