Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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