I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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