My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
