I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
