I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
