she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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