mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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