I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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