if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
