dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
