so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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