so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
