Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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