I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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