just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
