I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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