garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
