I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
