and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
