can u get pink eye on your cock?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
