Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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