Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
