she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
