It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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