I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
