It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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