she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
