So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
