it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
