i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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