I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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