That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
