you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
