The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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