my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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