i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
