You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
