we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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