I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
