I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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