6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
