She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
