cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
