we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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