I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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