that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize