i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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