Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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