And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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