i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
