When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
