apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Enjoy the penises
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
