your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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